The lady at the centre, she told me that writing was therapeutic. I thought she was crap, but since then, I've been writing, writing, and writing. I was only in kindergarden then, I forgot to thank her. She said, girl, whenever you are sad, whenever you don't feel like smiling, just take some pen and paper and write down how you feel, and you will feel better. If I see her again, I really ought to thank her.
There is a limit to how much a person can take. When that limit is reached, the person breaks. I guess I kinda reached my limit today. I know I am being a wet blanket by not being very enthusiastic with the class performance, but I just don't feel comfortable with it. Somehow I just don't feel it. And Shawn does not seem too happy to be paired with me. I know I am not some super chio bu, but at least I have a pair of eyes, ears, a nose, and a mouth right? Not as if I got two noses instead of two eyes right?
I'm sorry to mdm lim. I'm sorry that I let my emotions get the better of me and messed the whole thing up. I'm sorry, I really am.
I've been having recurring nightmares lately. That's what been bothering me the past few days. That is why I have been waking up in cold sweat.
I hate you, I really do. Even after you've abandoned me, you still come back to haunt me in my dreams. It'll always happen in this way: -my first memory of you. You were quarreling with dad, and he broke the glass cabinet in a fit of anger. I have to say goodbye to Mr Panda, Mickey Mouse, Brownie, and all my other soft toys because there were small shards of glass in them. -next comes the darkest and most sinister of all my memories. dad was grabbing the kitchen knife. you were running away. -you packed up. and left. without saying goodbye. without me. -after living with my guardians for four or five years, I had my first meeting with you since the divorce. I was waiting for you in the library. My eyes was on the book, but my mind was scanning the whole library for you. Then I saw you in the distance. I spotted you right away. You didn't. You just walked past me. Words could not describe how hurt I was. -fast forward to p6. You were knocking on the door with your lawyer. you wanted me to go with you to the hospital for a checkup, as you wanted my medical report-so that you could migrate to Austria, only my grandma is not letting you anywhere near me. You went to get legal help instead. But you failed. Your fancy lawyer didn't indimitate me. I gave you a piece of my mind. why do you come and find me only when you needed something from me. Don't you love me at all? Are you fit to call yourself a mother? You started crying. Your lawyer said that I am hurting you, and I should not do that because you are my mother. I told her, then has she ever thought about how much she has hurt me? You cry harder, and even the lawyer was at loss for words. I walked away.
That was the last I saw of you. You never came back again. So why are you still haunting me wherever I go? What have I done to deserve this? Was I really such a detestable kid then? Is that why you left me? Have you any idea how hard it is to grow up without a mother? Have you any idea how confused I felt when the kids in school ask me questions? Do you know that they LAUGHED at me for not having a mother?
Screw you. I hate you. You were not there for me when I am growing up. You know what? You could be the first one who noticed my sulky face when I stepped into the house. You could be the one standing outside my bedroom door just now, wondering if you should knock and come in and ask me what is wrong. You could be the one handing me a glass of warm water and two painkillers just now. And you could be the one in the kitchen right now, asking my father why I have red puffy eyes and wet trails going down my cheeks.
You could be you know, but you left me.
THE girl
Sophie Hong
15 going on 16
28 dec
ROCK CULTURE
Piss off if you don't like me, I won't grieve over the loss
